Monday, April 4, 2011
Stop the Decay and Displace the Darkness
During the fall our pastor spoke frequently about following Christ completely and what that practically looks like.
That sermon series changed my life.
One of the biggest things he talked about was how we as Christians are to be the salt and the light to the world. To stop the decay and displace the darkness every where we go and to literally ask Christ to walk ahead of us through each day, through each moment, following in His lead.
I started looking at things differently - planning get togethers, having conversations of conflict, decisions, opportunities. I started to try to look at them through the glass of Christ instead of my own agenda.
It's not exactly easy. But I believe, I must believe, that it is worth it. Because where else is there to turn?
Actually, not only is it not easy, it's flipping hard. Waiting, truly waiting on Christ is hard.
I told you about the conflict we're having with our church. Typically I would make a concise, quick decision about conflicts like this. I'd leave. This time, I'm waiting and wading through it. Waiting for clarity. Waiting even though I go to our church and cry because of the hurt I feel. Waiting even through my distrust and feelings of insecurity because I'm not sure what God wants from me at this point.
There is a dear woman at our church who, along with her husband, takes care of the offering every single week. Every single weekend - for all 5 services. Hours of volunteer work - unrecognized by most. She has asked me to take over for her a few times and I literally mean a very few during the course of the last year. This weekend was one of those opportunities.
I showed up for church late - just in time to hear the sermon - which I felt like I was going to throw up throughout. I left as soon as the sermon was over to go directly to the office to take care of the offering.
I sat in that room for 4 hours while I counted and recorded and typed. And I prayed. I prayed about the whole situation - prayed for peace, clarity, wisdom for my husband, wisdom for me, someone to notice, someone to be led toward us to help us, for some kind of decision to come about.
I had about a half hour left in my time there at the most and one of the pastors walked in - one who is 98% of the time not on campus because he is the leading pastor at another campus. He came in to take care of something. I could tell he was in a hurry but we ended up talking. We talked about some area churches, how long we had been at the church and what made us start coming.
And then he point blank asked me if we were happy at our church.
How can you deny God there?
So I gave him the overview, crying throughout, of the trust I had lost and the hurt we were experiencing because of some of our interactions with key leaders at the church. He prayed with me and asked if it would be okay to talk to one of them. I said yes, expecting in all reality that it won't get talked about simply because this man is incredibly busy.
But I felt peaceful. Peaceful because someone heard. Someone listened. We weren't alone anymore.
And if for no other reason I'm thankful that I didn't make a rash decision and just leave. I think I have a much better chance at achieving healing if I wait in Him than if I impulsively decide by myself and drag my family with me.
Do you wait? It's hard isn't it?