I've made a big change. And one I didn't think I could make.
I've let go.
I had to wait for an authority figure I trusted okay it before I could.
He said, "You've tried hard enough here. (with mom, aunt, etc.) You need to let go." I cried in acknowledgment of that. Letting go of a huge part of your life, your family, all of a sudden makes you feel like an orphan.
But it has brought tremendous peace.
Not joy - peace. Not healing - peace.
I've landed on a boundary I can deal with. And that is one of respect.
That was something my mom stressed over and over again to me as I was growing up - I had to respect her.
Yet, there was no room for respect for me in the process.
But that needs to be different.
She deserves respect. And so do I. And if I'm not treated respectfully I am going to have to ensure that for myself.
My aunt has a big party over the 4th. Man, it was lonely knowing I wasn't going this year. It just hurt. And I know the very fact we didn't show up is going to raise questions from the rest of my family who may not know what is happening. And that bites.
But, why would I go somewhere I know I'm going to be completely ignored? That's not respectful or loving. So, I voluntarily excluded myself this year.
But at least it's simpler.
Have you had to let go of family members? How did you set your boundaries?