Friday, October 15, 2010

Why Am I Doing This?

During the course of the past several weeks I've been feeling like it was time to share my story.

I started to share my story when I was 18.  The only one who knew my story was my brother, 2 years my junior.

The catalyst was an event at the college I attended on campus safety.  I don't know why that was a trigger.  I think it was because they talked about rape.  

I wasn't raped though.

It just served as my trigger.

I opened up to a counselor, a pastor, a friend a little at a time, never sharing the entire story with anyone.  My husband is still learning things.  

As time went on, close friends, and even more counselors, came to know my story.

I'm feeling like it's time to share it more.  I've been praying about it for over a month now.  I know that's not a long period of time, but it's long enough to feel like it's probably the right thing to do.  I went to a very dear woman who has a couple of decades on me and one of our pastors and told the abbreviated version and they also felt like it was a good idea to share it.

But the guilt is setting in.

I don't know if this is common for people who have undergone any type of abuse, but I'm feeling guilty.  Guilty that I'm betraying my parents, my brother, even my children.  Like I'm doing something wrong.

Is that normal?  Do you feel that way?

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