Monday, February 7, 2011

Thank You for My Problems

So it turns out I'm a codependent person.

I remember my mom being advised to read the book Codependent No More after she found out about my dad. I saw the book in the bathroom and looked at it suspiciously. I didn't want to know what was in it.

In the last couple of months however, I've read it.  I'm a codependent - and so is everyone else.

I happen to be completely dependent on my mother. I'm in my 30s and I have cared more about what she thinks than anyone, and I mean Anyone, else. It's shameful to admit but very true.

Stepping out and away from her has been difficult because a relationship that was very close - too close - is now practically non-existent. There is minimal communication. I never thought I would be able to survive without my mother.

It was plain and simple idolatry that - a learned behavior. I was taught that I could not make decisions outside of my mother.

After I married my husband I realized that I needed to step away from her but I just never did. I was too afraid.

A friend of mine often says to be thankful for your problems. While that doesn't make much sense on the surface it leads to a truth that I'm trying to hang on to. Our problems mean we have something to be thankful for.

In the case with my mother I am grateful for the conflict with her because I have had to re-work how I think of myself - how I make decisions - and what I depend on others for. It's given me a chance to depend on my husband in a healthy way and look to him instead of my mother when I'm making decisions. It's given me the opportunity to reach out to other friendships and people that I would not have before. It's given me the opportunity to think for myself. But mostly its given me the opportunity to trust in Christ - first. And seek Him - first.

I am grateful for those things.

Can you relate to any of this? Do you need to step away from someone or something that is unhealthy in your life for a time - even just to re-evaluate? Do you need to step up to something that God is calling you to?

If so, take a listen to this song and see if you feel encouraged.


  1. It's interesting that we both wrote about pleasing others. I fear it will be a life-long struggle for me. I sure hope not! I love the heart you always put in your posts.


  2. I'm going to go and check out your post now Lori. I hope it's not a life long struggle for us. Thank you for your encouragement Lori. It is incredibly uplifting.


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