Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Monochrome monday..............

I'm very black and white. In my life, unlike this picture, there is very little gray.

With me, if you're a person, you fall in 1 of 2 camps, safe and unsafe.  Once you make it into the unsafe camp, you are more than likely going to stay there.  And I'm going to avoid you at all costs.

My husband and I have been talking about this a lot lately and had a lengthy conversation about it tonight.
I'm feeling used a lot in relationships.  That is not an uncommon feeling for me to have, but it's going above and beyond what I've experienced in a long time.  I think that feeling is merited on some level but perhaps not to the level I'm taking it. 

I tend to avoid in depth relationships like the plague because they don't usually turn out well.  I am more than happy to have conversations of depth, but not a relationship of depth.  There's a big difference.

I despise superficiality, which is why I like conversations of depth.  But, do not ask me to trust you and see you on a regular basis.  There is just no way that is going to happen.   What is that all about?

For the sake of my children I'm going to have to figure this one out.  But I have no idea how to do that.

Can you relate at all?  Any suggestions?


  1. I can definitely relate to this. It's hard for me to trust others, and I struggle with intimacy. I have to say that I don't have a lot of suggestions for you because I'm working on this one myself right now, but I think it's a big step just recognizing this tendency and working on it. You know? Sometimes it takes baby steps...

  2. I'll be praying for you as you work on this too. It's so nice to know I'm not alone on this journey. You're right - acknowledgement is half the battle.


I know this isn't the easiest blog to leave comments on because of the sensitivity of these issues, but please do comment, even anonymously. I would love to hear from you.