Friday, October 22, 2010
Have you ever read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud?
I read through the book several years ago, but I think I need to read through it one more time - at least. :)
I'm learning that there are healthy boundaries that need to be applied in your parental relationships. When you stay too close things get ugly - at least at some point.
There are so many ways we can get tied into the same tendencies and behaviors from when we were growing up. The reminders - tones of voice, actual words and behaviors, expressions, etc. - are increasingly prevalent the more time you spend with your parent - no matter what kind of relationship you had as you were growing up.
When those are painful memories and reminders the boundaries and spaces that exist must stretch out longer than they might need to if those memories did not exist.
I was reading the story of the creation of Adam and Eve and at the end of the story it says that Eve was created from Adam and for that reason a man should leave his parents and be united with his wife.
I have thought about those verses before, but they struck me in light of the conflict I'm experiencing right now.
The unhealthy ways I have been attached to my parents have not all disappeared since I've married. As a matter of fact most of them have not. I've grown so accustomed to needing their approval that I seek their approval ahead of my husband's. Most of the time I don't take the time to even figure out how I feel about something, let alone pray about it and consider God's will. I just accept my parent's will as the way to go. That is completely unhealthy. I need to be setting more boundaries so my marriage and my life have the chance to grow into that which Christ wants for me.
How are your boundaries with your parents? Are boundaries with your parents easy for you to establish? Do you struggle at all? How are you working through your struggles?